Vintage Bamrick (Postler) vs. Team Jean Rack (Langtimm)
Definitely not the pick of the week, with a winless Vintage Bamrick vs a 1 win Team Jean Rack. I see Langtimm getting the win of Postler this week to continue the winless streak, that’s if Langtimm remembers to pick up a running back not on bye and play him…
Dallas Flying Fortress (Tex) vs. Hastag Tommy (Tiedemann)
Surprisingly, this should be a good match up from the 1-2 team from Tex and 3-0 team from Teids. I predict we’ll see the upset of the undefeated Hashtag Tommy from the Dallas Flying Fortress’, completely throwing the standings in a mess in the Purple league. Teids has a strong team week after week, but with Brady on bye this week, it will be a tough week.
Drone Ranger (VonG) vs. Dual Wielding Alpacas (Crispin)
Obviously, this is the matchup of the week. The undefeated Drone Rangers taking on the 2-1 Alpacas, Crispin has a tough week with Gronk, Dion Lewis, and Gostkowski out but will be victorious against the undefeated Drone Rangers! Crispin will need another strong week from Freeman to pull it out.
Hawaii Blah Blah (Edwards) vs. The Cloudwalkers (Benda)
Again, throwing the standings in the Purple league a mess, Jeff will be victorious over the Benda’s 3-0 Cloudwalkers. Benda continue to pull off victories, but with Aaron Rodgers, Team Hawaii should expect a strong win to knock off the undefeated Cloudwalkers.
Reggie Ray (Renner) vs. California Boat Rockers (Ward)
This will be a good matchup from two 1-2 teams, with the edge going to Reggie Ray, thanks to Cam Newton. Ward and the Boat Rockers will need a strong performance from Peyton to be in it. This will be fun to watch and see who can get back in the mix at 2-2.
Fighting Firkins (Shannon) vs. ROBODRAGONS (Pratt)
The Fighting Firkins are coming off a tough loss this week but should be just fine against Pratt’s Robodragons. Pratt will need to have some key pick ups this week with a few players on bye, so that will have to be factored in. Another good matchup from two 1-2 teams looking to get back into the mix.
By Josh Knust, Never Say Wombat
In all of our leagues, the standings that determine the playoffs only rely on two metrics, record and points scored by your team. This is fine for playoff seeding because all that really matters are wins and losses; ugly wins are still wins, just ask Dave-O in Week 2. For week-to-week predictions and discussion, I wanted to go a little deeper and create a Power Rankings for each of the teams in the league.
The goal of this whole experiment is to create a ranking system that better shows the true power of a team by incorporating coaching efficiency and league-wide breakdown in addition to base scoring and record. The rankings probably won’t be that much different than the ESPN standings, but under this system, a good team with a poor record won’t be dismissed because of some close losses or outlier weeks by their opponents.
For this first iteration,
base record is worth 25% weight,
average record against the field is worth 25% weight,
average points scored per week is worth 35% weight,
and coaching rank is worth 15% weight.
• Base record is calculated as win percentage times twenty-five to give a score out of twenty-five.
• Average record against the field is your win percentage against each other score for that week times twenty-five to give a score out of twenty-five.
• Points scored is calculated by taking your average points scored and dividing by the highest average point total (giving a percentage), then multiplying by thirty-five to give a score out of thirty-five.
• Coaching rank is calculated by taking your average points scored and dividing by the average “ideal lineup” score (giving a percentage), then multiplying by fifteen to give a score out of fifteen. The “ideal lineup” score is determined by going back and creating the top-scoring lineup for your team on a given week. This is the way that leaving points on the bench is incorporated into the ranking.
These for different scores are totaled and give you a Power Score out of 100. Now, the reason you are here, the rankings:
Lincoln sits atop the President’s League Power Rankings, and deservedly so. He has been impressive so far and is the lone undefeated team after Bianchi was toppled by an outstanding week from Austin Bamrick and The Mirthmobile. The Power Rankings look much like the ESPN Standings, but my gut says that as records start to diversify and with a larger sample size, we’ll see more differences.
How your Power Score ranks against the rest of the league is your Power Ranking (1-12). Keep in mind that even though you may be adjacent to someone on the Power Rankings, you can look to that Power Score to determine how close it stands. In the rankings from this week, look at the teams with 2-1 records. Between Bianchi and Knust, they have the same record, but Bianchi’s Power Score is significantly higher than Knust’s. Also note that Stewart is ranked higher than Denton and Jameson is ranked higher than Masker despite having worse records.
The math behind these rankings is subject to change, and I again want to welcome any suggestions. A lot of these metrics are based off of averages, but I want to look at ways to incorporate consistency with standard deviations of scoring. For example, when looking at T-Mike versus Dave-O (T-Mike is more highly rated under the current format), T-Mike has a population standard deviation of 22.3 of his weekly scoring totals whereas Dave-O’s is 12.1; this means that Las Tortugas is a much more consistent team, and the power ranking may favor that consistency and flip the order. Incorporating something like this would likely make the rankings more accurate.
Another thing that I want to look at incorporating is the idea of a ceiling for your team. For example, Sullivan manages his Phuket Rippers well, and gets 94.3% of his possible points from real score to ideal score. He just edges out Bianchi who gets 93.6% of his Hairy Lumberjack’s possible points. However, the Rippers only have the tenth highest ceiling, or points under an ideal lineup, whereas the Lumberjacks have the highest ceiling. I’m not sure at this point what this means, but it might be worth incorporating. Some coaches, like Sullivan, are great at managing bad teams, where some coaches are bad at managing good teams (Jameson’s Dictators rank 2nd in ceiling, but 11th in coaching efficiency). I don’t mean to dog on anyone here, just stating the results of my calculations.
If people like this content, I will continue to do it, and would be more than happy to help get the other leagues started on a Power Ranking system. If you want to see my Excel sheet, just let me know and I can email you with what I have. If you want to talk about the theory behind the rankings, message me and we can set up a time to talk.
Your very own commissioner announces the rebranding of his existing franchise, the Dallas Dictators. Fully embracing the idea that this league is my very own psuedo Soviet dystopia, this rebranding is done courtesy of Michael Taylor Design.
Las Tortugas vs. Uncle Abe
The storyline that nobody is talking about (expect Davo) is Las Tortugas' unprecedented 17 game winning streak to open its D-League existence. Can Uncle Abe (2-0) be the team to finally pop their fantasy football cherry? Abe has had a great two games from TE Tyler Eifert, which nobody saw coming, to help fuel him to a 2-0 start. Julio Jones has been doing typical Julio Jones things as expected, coupled with Demaryius Thomas. Going with Eli Manning for too long is a ticking time bomb, but so far he's held up. Abe has a receiver heavy roster with a lot of high upside guys like Melvin Gordon and Julius Randle, so the potential is definitely there this week for someone to finally deflower Las Tortugas.
Las Tortugas (2-0) played just the tip with the loss column in Week 2 and benefited from Andrew Luck shitting his pants to narrowly extend their streak. Injury and suspension have played a part early on with Ellington, Foster, and Bryant out. Fill-ins Garcon and Chris Johnson have been adequate band-aids. With a lot of favorable matchups versus Uncle Abe, look for another break out, 120+ point week for Las Tortugas. Barring any further injury or ganja smoking, we have another juggernaut in the making.
Prediction: The Turtles of Mexican Heritage remain undefeated.
Duncombe Demons vs. Upper Decker
The Demons (1-1) haven't been bitten by the injury bug, they've been by the injury bear. Fortunately for T-Mike this week, he has what looks to be a more favorable matchup versus Stewart's Upper Decker who has a significant injury of their own. Brady has to have another break out performance for the Demons from rural Webster County. Ingram and Kelce have real potential to help and then maybe.......Mason Crosby after that? You have to dig pretty deep when you're top two picks go down and then you essentially lose DeAngelo Williams to the return of Le'veon Bell. Too bad Dusty or Langtimm aren't in this league to trick into making a ridiculous trade.
Upper Decker (1-1) has started the season on a strong note, falling victim to the Holzfallers breakout performance last week. However, it appears that Stewart has already given up on Drew Brees in lieu of the enigma that is Teddy Bridgewater. Bold move Cotton. We'll see if it pays off. Edelman has been a nice piece for UD and with Lacy out this week, it'll be important for that to continue. Normally, I would love Alfred Morris but with his decreases touches, he becomes less of a factor here.
Prediction: The Demons get shat on by Upper Decker and Stewart pulls out the victory.
Backalley Bootleggers vs. Arnie's Pizza Shop
This is an important early season match up for both teams. For the Bootleggers (1-1), a win here could propel them into a nice run and set them up for the playoffs. It would also erase some of the doubts caused by getting their dicks kicked in last week. They have the roster to do it with Manning, Gronk, and breakout threat Carlos Hyde. If DeMarco Murray can return to his old self, this team could be very dangerous despite their dismal Week 2 performance. Look for Peyton's first big performance of the year and Gronk to slay some bitches in Week 3.
Arnie's team (0-2) on the other hand needs a win to prevent himself from trending more towards a spot in the 2016 Gold League. He does have some hope with Palmer, McCoy, and CJ Anderson as potential fantasy stud muffins. Other than that his team is kind of all over the place with a mix of former fantasy stars and up and comers. The Patriots D could play a big role in getting APS in the win column as they go up against Jacksonville.
Prediction: The Bootleggers can win even with out DeMarco. I'll take the Unlawful Alcohol Producers.
The Mirthmobile vs. Haarig Holzfallers
Bite the pillow Mirthmobile (0-2), the Holzfallers (2-0) are coming in dry. Just by looking at the standings you can see this could be a mismatch. Bamrick's roster looks decent on the surface with a good mix of proven and under the radar players. What's up with Mike Evans? Mirth will need him to have a rebound game after posting zero points last week in a losing effort. Tannehill has yet to prove himself as a reliable QB, but the potential is there. AP should be able to get back on track this week with a T-Dizzle or two.
The Hairy Bastards have gotten off to a fantastic start posting two 130+ point weeks. He's had breakout performances from Hopkins, Ivory, and Fitzgerald so far on top of the always reliable Antonio Brown. Bianchi's team has all the momentum in this one with several good matchups this week. The Holzfallers are making a case for the team to watch in the President's league.
Prediction: Fear the Beard. Holzfallers.
Swamp Donkeys vs. Never Say Wombat
Somehow the Swamp Donkeys (1-1) managed to win last week. In order to win this week against Never Say Wombat (1-1), they'll need to do better. The 2014 White League Champs will be looking for big days from Rapelisberger, Megatron, and Emmanuel Sanders along with good contributions from others. This roster can be good, but it's very top heavy. Can Mike Wallace return to the deep threat he once was? What happened to Jeremy Hill? Why in the hell is Masker starting Darren Sproles? We'll find out.
Never Say Wombat is favored in this one for good reason. He has some really nice pieces who haven't been themselves yet this season, namely Lynch, Graham, and Watkins. As the Seahawks go, so will this team with three major contributors hailing from Seattle. I expect these guys to return to their normal winning ways in Week 3.
Prediction: The Fighting Johnny Bravos donkey punch the Swamp Donkeys.
Phuket Rippers vs. Dallas Dictators
The Phuket Rippers (1-1) get their prized first rounder back this week after Le'veon Bell's suspension. Add him into a very balanced team and you have a real threat. We'll see if Amari Cooper can follow up his first breakout our performance this week against the Dallas Dictators (0-2). Phuket also got a great waiver pick up this week with Starks. Even as a temporary addition, this could be key. Historically, Starks has sucked balls as a fantasy option but with the way the Packers have used Lacy, this time could be different.
With some awful Luck, the Dictators missed an opportunity to end Las Tortugas streak in Week 2. Despite the record, I do like this team. Charles, Luck, Cobb, and Robinson have the potential to put up big numbers. Then throw in Matt Jones emergence and you have a real chance to go on a nice run. The addition of Rodgers at TE is a smart pick up as the Pack are still trying to figure out where all of Jordy Nelson's looks are going to go. A+ to both teams on the waiver wire this week.
Prediction: Tough pick but Phuket, give me the Rippers.
By Tex, Flying Fortress
After last week’s total blow out wins, plus Renner, this season is turning out to be more unpredictable than Postler’s acceptance into the house while wearing a padawan braid. Lowest scoring win was by team Reggie Ray with 88.3 points. Even with that statistic, every game was won by at least 25.5 points (biggest blowie coming from the Dual Wielding Alpacas with a differential of 59.4 points).
That being said, ESPN projections put only 2 matchups at a total decimation level. Drone Rangers, 2-0, are projected to annihilate Vintage Bamrick, 0-2, like we needed reminding. On paper, the Rangers look as stacked as the cupcakes on the fat chick’s desk at work. Frank Gore, Antonio Brown, and AJ Green facing off with players like Arian Foster who is listed as Questionable and projected to bring in a whopping goose egg even with all his spirited cheerleading. Then again, if Keenan Allen, Austin Sefarian-Jenkins, and nearly everyone’s defense can do it in week 1, why can’t Foster?
The other blowout projected for the upcoming week is, once again, the Dual Wielding Alpacas (DWA, aka the Dicks With Assjuice who don’t even know how to change their logo to the one they paid for on ESPN) vs. Renner's team "Reggie Ray". During the draft, one might have said, “Man… Renner is actually serious about something,” but with Lacy and McCoy questionable and projected a combined 12.5 points (math help: Lacy is projected 0) one could really argue having the draft weekend a little closer to the start of the season. Perhaps even on a long weekend? Anyways, with Gronk and Fitz and Julio in your line up, doesn’t really matter who the other team has… Or does it?
Next up is Team Jean Rack, 0-2, vs. Dallas Flying Fortress, 1-1. Projected to be a really close game, this one could go either way, but one team has a sweet logo and the other doesn’t. Soooo…. There’s that. Also, Team Jean Rack’s players are all, with the exception of 2, projected to out score their current averages, while Dallas Flying Fortress is just hoping that goddamm Vinatieri doesn’t go negative again, that human piece of garbage!!!! YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!! With a season like this, who the hell knows where this one will lead.
After last week’s showing, it’s hard to imagine a team hand picked by a Hawaiian bandwagoning the Seahawks could ever make triple digits (they’ve literally made sports out of floating on drift wood and eating SPAM), but projected to win by +4.7 this may be the week for the Seatown Shakas to be come the C-Plus-Town Shakas. If Rodgers continues to hold up his end, unlike last year, the SS could stand a chance. But let’s not forget Baby Face Tiedemann, holding the Brady and Jamaal Charles cards. Unless they manage to over-inflate every single ball in the NFL, Brady stands to make a good showing against the Jags putting him, in my opinion, easily approaching 30 points even if ESPN only has him down for 18.8.
Alex “Big Dick” Benda, comin’ in hot with 2 wins under his belt vs. the Fighting Firkins at 1-1 on the season. Week 1 saw AP failing to perform (which is probably why he is so angry), but improvement has been noted last week with a solid 18.2. That plus Edelman puts Benda in stable contention against Bell and Forsett in the Firkins’ line up. Furthermore, the Firkins hanging on to Keenan Allen could prove to be deadly to a team counting every fractional point.
Last and, perhaps, least… the California Boat Rockers vs. the Robodragons. Probably the best matchup since both of them not only have badass logos, but they are also linked to their ESPN pages. Who knows about Peyton (Boat Rockers) after a piss poor performance for week 1 and a serviceable week 2 expected of an average QB. However, since he is playing against the Lions and the Robodragons are sporting the one and only That-Guy-Who-Throws-Things-At-Bucs-Players Winston who faces off against the Houston defense this week, that position is sure to win out. Several weeks ago, Robodragons looked pretty good on paper for some other positions with Forte and Emmanuel Sanders, but things are a bit shaky for the Robo D’s at the moment having plowed through 4 QBs in just over 2 weeks.
A lot of action, plenty of surprises, and a mix of disappointment around the NFL in week 2. Tony Blowmo and Smokin Jay Culter went down with injuries. Rex Ryan ate his words as he does every year, and got steam reamed by the Cheatriots. I don’t know why anyone thought the Eagles would be good and Payton Manning managed to float enough passes to win a second game with his jello arm. And lastly the Dolphins pissed me off as well as probably a lot of people in survivor leagues.
Onto the matches:
Team Nigro v. Midwest Cat Daddies
The first matchup of the week goes to Team Nigro and his super creative team name verses the Midwest Cat Daddies which sounds like a single-A baseball team. A decently solid showing from Team Nigro pushed him to 1-1 on the season with the victory and 4th in standings. Rodgers was a top performer against Seattle (somewhere a drunk hispanic man is yelling at local bar in Bettendorf Iowa) and the Cardinals defense took a massively huge pigeon size crap on the Bears. Cat Daddies rocked the passmaster in Ryan Tannehill, but it wasn’t enough as the Bills defense decided to play like the 2008 Detriot Lions.
AP will beat you All Day v. California Redhawks
The second matchup brings child abuse and mythical red birds together for a lovingly close hug fest. AP managed to pick up his stick and gently slap a 1.3 point victory. E. Sanders managed to grab a crap load of points to compliment a surprisingly consistent Matthew Stafford. Unfortunately for AP, Austin Sefeirefain-jafarian-my boy-jenkins is out for a few weeks. Team RedHawks really could have used Mike Evans, but rumor has it he was busy snagging crab legs instead of catching balls. Tom Brady continues to be a late round steal as people still cannot figure out why he is still playing.
The Martyrs v. Medieval Knievels
Things are not looking good for the martyrs as they put up the lowest amount of points in the white league to move to 0-2 on the season. With no real stars, Martyrs is relying on Matt Forte to make up for Sam Bradford’s embarrassing loss to Brandon Weeden. I mean for god sakes Brandon Weeden got his salad tossed by Iowa State in 2011 in a beautiful victory for the Cyclones. Meanwhile, Medieval Knievels put together a very solid roster for week 2. Fitzgerald made Carson Palmer look like Dan ‘the man’ Marino. Flacco was an easy start against an Oakland defense who has probably averaged 31+ points allowed per game for the last decade.
Barking Spiders v. Cry me a Rivers
Didn’t Juice draft in first place? He is currently tied for bottom of the pile (everyone back to the pile!) after getting completely demolished by dusty buttholes. Tony Romo’s fragile little body was crushed and Roddy White was nowhere to be found for Spiders whose top player was almost a kicker. Cry Me A River’s team was absolutely stacked with almost every player putting up double digits. He didn’t even need a defense. Gronk was a big dumb animal and Edelman caught 2 touchdowns – word on the street is that if you catch 2 TDs from Brady – you get to smell Belicheat’s post game whitey tighties.
The Enforcers v. The Hellhounds
Holy crap – this is taking a long time. How many games do I have to do this for? Hellhounds pretty easily beat the Enforcers 128.2 to 89.4… Luck sucked. Antonio Brown took San Fran to pound town and I am not really sure who Tevin Coleman is. No one in their right minds would have expected the Browns defense to put up 19 points. Vinatieri continues to disappoint mostly due to Luck, but also because he is so old that he farts dust.
Rogue Squadron v. Tito Leewood’s Killers
Where the hell did these team names come from? Holy shit, this sounds like an EPIC battle. OBJ straight up came gangsta, grabbed some touches and 24 points to go with it. Brandon Marshall got some points without getting stabbed by his ex-wife so that’s a plus. On the downside, Brees may have gotten injured but that’s just the nature of a cockfight. Leewood’s Killa’s didn’t do so hot in this rumble. Lacy and Jeffery both have Jay Cutler like injuries (just rub some dirt on it!) His shining light was the Roethlisraper, who is off to a very spicy start.
Onto week three suckas!
In week 1, Jerkin Jiggins and Sorry Not Sorry flopped.
TA will be starting Deangelo Williams after a stellar performance in week 1. We’ll see if D can carry that momentum one more week before Bell comes back. Same applies with Mark Ingram and the committee in NO that’s being favoring him for passing downs. Although up against the Seahawks secondary, Randall Cobb should put up a good game. Meanwhile, Stafford is playing against a Vikings defense that couldn’t stop the run in week 1 against the 9’ers. This bodes well for the rushing attack, but don’t count out Stafford. Megatron and Gates are weapons they will be using.
Meanwhile, I’ll be looking to get a bounce-back performance from Luck after a fairly dismal performance against the Bills. Not starting Gore as he didn’t get anything done in week 1, and they’re facing a stout 9’ers run D. Aside from 2 fumbles, Charles had a great game. We’ll see if Muscle Hamster can get things going in week 2. This hinges on Jameis Winston not having a terrible performance and a decent game by their D. Look for Sproles to possibly get moved in before gametime. Steve Smith Sr (last season in the NFL) is one of Flacco’s top WRs and should see more production this week compared to the Broncos top secondary he saw week 1. With Carson Palmer under center, John Brown is poised to have a very good game against the suspect Bears D.
Heldt and Hanus are coming out of week 1 1-0.
Houston gave up a lot of points to KC in week 1. Expect Heldt’s Newton to continue this trend. Shady McCoy is going up against the Pats decent run D which is a good thing. Even if the Pats take a big lead, Taylor may be airing it out more, and Shady is in the passing game. Julio Jones is coming off a huge week 1, and in a matchup with a fairly high over/under, expect another big game. Maclin couldn’t get a whole lot done with Smith and Co, yet. However, that relationship may develop into something fruitful for fantasy owners as the weeks go on.
Hanus’ Big Ben will have his hands full against the 9’ers. They didn’t let Bridgewater and Co get anything done in week 1. Big Ben is a higher caliber QB, but still without suspended Martavis. Bryant. Blount in NE will have a similar story to his opposite Shady. Although he should have a good day, it is Belicheck’s team. Anything could happen. Gronk, Hopkins and OBJ have enticing matchups.
Surge’s start of Manning appeared to be a mistake early in the game. However, Manning redeemed and had a decent game. Emmanuel Sanders benefitted. Chris Ivory is a great start this week against a bad Indy run D. Forte will have another high-scoring day in a high-octane showdown with Palmer’s Cardinals. Megatron is looking to bounce back after few looks in week 1. Their coach ensured he’s going to see more action this season, but Golden Tate will be sharing. Marques Colston, though old and barely the #2 WR on the team, he’s getting looks from Brees. This is an enticing matchup and should be high-scoring.
Moran’s Tannehill is looking to bounce back after a not-so-great week 1. Ameer Abdullah should see plenty of work against MN. Jordan Matthews will have plenty of looks and red-zone opportunities in what should be a high-scoring game. Brandon Marshall should have another decent – if not good - outing against the Colts who let Tyrod Taylor and his receiving corps do damage in week 1. We’ll see how the Bills D handles Belicheck’s gameplan.
Ragtag group of Champions (Freese) is expecting Rodgers to have another good day. The Seahawks secondary is good, but Aaron Rodgers is great and it’s a home game. AP has something to prove in week 2. Expect a big day. Bishop Sankey had an unpredictably good week 1 and goes up against a bad run D. If he churns out another good week, he could continue to be a valuable option (at least until Cobb comes back). Andre Johnson and Dwayne Allen should get looks from Luck – all of them have something to prove after that dismal loss to the Bills in week 1. Rashad Jennings is an underrated must-start in this tasty matchup against Atlanta.
Arctic Puppets (Bogenreif) is banking on Romo in what should be a high-scoring game. He’ll do so without Dez Bryant. Eddie Lacy will have his hands full, but Rodgers will help open up the run with his passing ability. Forsett has a very nice matchup against one of the worst run D’s in the league. Eifert put up big numbers in week 1, and will likely continue that trend and rapport with Dalton.
Dwayne Johnson’s fan club (Zachar) can expect another big day for Tom, but with Blount back in the mix it might not be as big as last week. Carlos Hyde ran all over the Vikings in week 1, and he should have another good if not great day against Pitt. Although Bennett should have another great day in a should-be high-scoring game, Royal’s expectations shouldn’t be as high.
Dirk’s Russell Wilson is playing at Lambeau, so it’s a tough game. He should have similar production to last week, though. DeMarco Murray needs to bounce back this game and it’s a great opportunity. Most of his points in week 1 came from 2 short TD passes which isn’t bad, but we’re expecting more out of his rushing game. That said, he’ll still be sharing carries with Matthews and Sproles. Terrance Williams is poised to have a great game as Bryant is out. Graham should also have a top game, but if NO gets ahead early (very possible against an awful Winston’s offense) it’ll quiet down for him.
Frozen Goombas (Steubs) can expect a good day out of Bradford with one of the highest over/unders of the week. Mr. Skittles will be heavily involved against the Packers on their turf. Lamar Miller might not see much production again as Miami is becoming a passing team. Kelce had another stellar day and is Smith’s go-to as he hasn’t developed a productive relationship with Maclin yet. Ravens D is a great play against Oakland.
Renner’s Matty Ice can have a big day in New York in what should be a high-scoring game. CJ Anderson couldn’t get anything done against the Chiefs stout run D, and neither could Hillman. Cooks will have a big day at home against Tampa, but if they get a big lead it’ll be running-focused with their committee. I expect a big day from Witten. With Bryant out, a lot of attention will be on Terrance Williams. I suspect he’ll see a lot of targets from Romo.
By Kristiaan - California RedHawks
While the Onion makes a great case for how Eli's favorite down is second down, I personally prefer the NYT article describing just how terrible the Giants loss was this last week. Between the mis-calc of the Dallas timeouts and telling Rashad 'not to score' the game was a comedy of errors - not unlike Juice's Barking Spiders sad wk 1 defeat with a score of 69.
White League had a pretty decent week overall, with three games being decided by less than 7 points and the balance being blowouts decided by at least 20.
Closest matchup of the week goes to the HellHounds vs. Rogue Squadron
While Hanks' starters performed well, with the Seahawks D at 18 points, the winning points were left on the bench with an unforeseen 16.1 points out of Darren Sproles over starter Shane Vereen with 8. Overall, the team played well and would have pulled out the win had it not been for the HellHounds TE Travis Kelce with 25.6 points. On top of an impressive 23 out of Antonio Brown, the Hellhounds took the win this week.
[Hellhounds 105.9 - Rogue Squadron 101.9]
Next up we had Cry Me a Rivers facing off against the always creative and never disappointing 'Team Nigro'. While Dusty was busy likely watching the wrong sport, his team crushed it. Gronk took down 3 touchdowns for an impressive 30 points and the rest of the team didn’t disappoint. More than that, there were points left on the bench despite the 131.5 that Cry Me A Rivers put on the board. Not to discount Team Nigro with a score of 125.2 leaving Bishop Sankey's 21 winning points on the bench.
[Cry Me A Rivers 131.5 - Team Nigro 125.2]
In an interesting strategy - despite not owning or playing a kicker - The Midwest Cat Daddies had the high score this week by a narrow margin coming out strong with 133.7. Strong showings by Julio Jones, DeAndre Hopkins and Jason Witten made for a close match between the opposing Tito Leewood's Killers. Sadly, TE Josh Hill put up a goose-egg for B-Nels despite an impressive performance by the extremely tiny wee little Danny Woodhead in SD. Though ESPN projections mean absolutely nothing, it appears B-Nels might have a hard time putting up the same numbers this week while Cat Daddies look pretty strong.
[Midwest Cat Daddies 133.7 - Tito Leewood's Killers 126.2]
In the case of the Barking Spiders vs. AP will Beat You All Day, well, both teams tried hard. The Colts did nothing to fuel Billy's 88.9 - 69 win scoring no points. CJ Anderson and Melvin Gordon also put up a disappointing combined 12 points though it was still plenty to take down the low score of the week from the Barking Spiders. Despite a good week from Romo, the Spiders couldn't cut it. AP had a very low wk 1 performance and overall watching the Vikings was pretty much exactly the same as last year. Here's to hoping that Teddy and AP will start to get a good rhythm and we can see another record season for AP. (or just a winning season, please…)
[AP Will Beat You All Day 88.9 - Barking Spiders 69]
Impressive TE performances seem to be a theme this week as Medieval Knievel's Tyler Effert brought down 2 touchdowns and over 100 yard for 26.7 points. We'll go ahead and ignore the piss poor 0.7 points from Flacco and just go ahead and say that the Knievel's are a good looking team with some top performers. Can’t say too much about the Enforcers - not a great week but an unfortunate injury in Q1 from Deshawn Jackson as well as points left on the bench might mean there's still a lot of upside here later on as Le'Veon Bell comes back and Jackson heals.
[Medieval Knievel's 102.6 - The Enforcers 76.6]
In our last game of the week the Glorious California Redhawks (such a majestic animal), took on the horrible Martyrs. Full disclosure, this is my game. More full disclosure, I won and I want to tell you that I won. In a fortunate turn of events after our draft, Deflategate's suspension was lifted and Tom Brady showed up to play. Putting up 27 points on top of what I would have to say are honestly average performances by the rest of the team, the Hawks put up 114 points. The Martyrs just had slow week with Forte putting up 25 but the rest of the team (and the bench) showing some poor performance. I can only hope Prieur decides to put in our fearless leader Eli Manning (over current starter Bradford) to lead the team into stupid stupid victory next week.
[Glorious California RedHawks 114.7 - Martyrs 87.9]
Best of Luck - KSWINT
By Josh Knust, Never Say Wombat
First week is in the books and it was a good one up here in President’s League. I’m pretty happy that we have another dozen or so weeks of this.
Without further ado:
***Swamp Donkeys (TMAS) vs Las Tortugas (DTAY)
I made a mistake in my preview calling for a Dave-O win on the back of a big game from Big Ben, which was nonsense because TJ owns Big Ben. It doesn’t matter, because this one was a blow-out. Masker just didn’t get much from his starters, and left some points on his bench. Even with an optimal line-up, the Swamp Donkeys still would have gone down. For the Tortugas, if Odell Beckham is your lowest scorer with 6.9 points followed by your defense at 9, you could probably just assume that you won that week without looking at any of the other scores. A big game from Forte (25.1) and a huge kicker game from McManus (18) pushed the Tortugas to victory.
Winner: Las Tortugas (DTAY) – [125.1 - 72.9]
***Dallas Dictators (JBAM) vs Backalley Bootleggers (DPAT)
This turned out to be a great match-up, just as expected. Each team had players in the Monday night games and got great performances from each. Demarco Murray had a respectable game for Denton with 16 points, but this was negated by a top-notch night by Matt Bryant with 17 points. Denton was still down a big chunk of points going into the final game of the week, but a big night from Carlos Hyde closed the gap to give the Bootleggers the victory. One interesting stat: the Bootleggers had an extremely top-heavy performance with three of their players (Rob Gronkowski, Carlos Hyde, Keenan Allen) scoring 68.4% of the total team points.
Winner: Backalley Bootleggers (DPAT) – [124.4 - 118.8]
***Upper Decker (MSTE) vs Never Say Wombat (JKNU)
I got most of what I wished for in my preview as Aaron Rodgers threw three touchdowns to people not named Eddie Lacy, but lacy still had a respectable game on the ground, including one rushing touchdown. This match-up was marked by a quite consistent set of scores at most positions, with most players pulling their weight. Sammy Watkins throwing up a stat line in the trillions an incredible game from Seferian-Jenkins swung the game in Stewart’s favor. Both of us left some points on the bench, but Upper Decker would have taken it even under optimal line-ups.
Winner: Upper Decker (MSTE) – [116.3 – 107.5]
***Duncombe Demons (TMIC) vs Haarig Holzfallers (ABIA)
Dez Bryant going down for the next six to eight weeks is a cruel blow to the already depleted Demons (having lost Jordy Nelson in the preseason). Solid performances from a few of the Demons’ starters weren’t enough to make up for lackluster stats from the others. T-Mike may have a rough go in the coming weeks. Just like Denton’s Backalley Bootleggers but to a lesser degree, Bianchi’s Holzfallers won on the back of a top-heavy performance. Strong showings from DeAndre Hopkins, Antonio Brown, and Chris Ivory accounted for 53.3% of the team total augmenting solid games from almost all of the other starters. Watch out for this team.
Winner: Haarig Holzfallers (ABIA) – [139.9 - 95.2]
***The Mirthmobile (ABAM) vs Phuket Rippers (MSUL)
This was the lowest-scoring match-up of the week with no real breakout performances or drama. This game played out completely differently than I predicted with Sully’s running backs completely out-performing Bamrick’s. Even still, Sully will anxiously await the return of Le’Veon Bell, especially if the TY Hilton knee injury turns out to be worse than reported. Not a lot to say about this match except that the highest scoring players on each team were defenses.
Winner: Phuket Rippers (MSUL) – [101.8 – 83.7]
***Arnie’s Pizza Shop (LKOC) vs Uncle Abe (NLIN)
Lincoln had a great week scoring the second-highest point total, and did so despite my preview prediction of a strong game from Eli Manning being completely off. Uncle Abe was a consistent squad overall would have won even if Julio Jones hadn’t completely gone off. Arnie’s Pizza shop just didn’t have a solid week with otherwise dominant players having pretty quiet outings.
Winner: Uncle Abe (NLIN) – [128.1 - 93.9]
By the Numbers:
· Lowest Winning Score – 101.8 [Phuket Rippers (MSUL)]
· Highest Losing Score – 118.8 [Dallas Dictators (JBAM)]
· Highest Individual Player Score – Carlos Hyde, 31.2 [Backalley Bootleggers (DPAT)]
2018 Assist Raffle Tracker
T. Shannon - 24
J. Edwards - 1