By D. Taylor, Las Tortugas
The offseason is here. Time to forget about football for a while and focus on "what makes our league different and awesome" according to Führer Jameson. I'm talking about franchises. Every so often, I'm going to write a feature on a different franchise and highlight what I think is cool about it. If it sucks like Tex's, I'll still act like I like it (just kidding Tex, it's just that your logo looks like my wife straddling a trash can). Anyway, first up is Less-Pushy Bamrick's franchise, The Mirthmobile.
Uniforms - I'm a big fan of the home uniforms. Kind of Chargers-esque but with a powder blue helmet. The flames on the shoulders are badass, give the jerseys some character, and tie the uniforms and the logo together nicely. Austin actually has a jersey cause he's a champ and it looks even better in real life. One of my favorite real life jerseys of a fake team. Clearly Mirthmobile's uniforms have brought him success as he has yet to know what it's like to play outside of the President's league.
Logo - The name and logo are a nod to the classic comedy, Wayne's World (had to look that shit up). So while he didn't have to think too hard on a logo, it is still rock solid. The Mirthmobile wordmark is what really makes it a cool logo. It has a nice 70's old school look. Classic, yet intimidating. It would look awesome on an overpriced travel mug or clipboard. Anyway, I've been trucked by the Mirthmobile before. Doesn't feel good. But at least he has a cool franchise.
B. Edwards adds to our user-created franchise total with this confusing, yet avant-garde submission as his franchise. Revelling in the absurd, this franchise mocks the very idea of franchises, with the name 'The Franchise". Powerful. The color scheme chosen is an assault on the eyes, eschewing the very concept of Away and Home jersey norms. Intriguing. The logo, possibly a taco with half a face, represents the fast food culture we are immersed in every day. Brave. Where are the numbers? What is a uniform? A tour de force indeed.
Welcome to the league, The Franchise.
It's been a long and storied road for the Phuket Rippers to get here today. Six seasons, five playoff appearances, two second place finishes, and including one of those years starting off 1-6, the Rippers are one of the D League's more dominant playoff franchises in our short history. Only ranked 29th in the Manager Rankings coming into the year, this team comes alive come playoff time.
This history continued this year, as the Rippers locked in the #5 seed with a 7-6 record and immediately knocked off #4 Mirthmobile. Next up would be facing the #1 seed, a relatively scary Never Say Wombat, who had finished the season 10-3. Never Say Wombat completely collapsed in the second round, defeated by the Rippers 96.7 - 83.6. The Championship game would be decided between the #5 and #6 seeds, with an unlikely Tito Leewood's Killers standing in the way. Another complete collapse in the face of the Phuket Rippers would lead to our new Champion.
M. Sullivan will be receiving the Gavel, selecting our 2018 Draft Location, and be enshrined in the Hall of Victory.
Heldt has had a very respectable run through the Royal Purple League this year, locking down the #3 seed with a 9-4 regular season record. Initially challenged in the Playoffs by not having a first round bye, he rolled over a underperforming Barking Spiders before being matched up against the #2 Drone Rangers. This second round game would be even more lopsided than the first, as he smacked the hell out of the Rangers 141.1 to 90.6. Our final round for Royal Purple would be against the Robodragons, who came into the playoffs as the #4 seed and a respectable playoff run. That run wouldn't hold in this final game, however, as a complete inablility to keep up made this one just as lopsided. Heldt manages to have the most dominant playoff run of all four leagues this year.
The Bootleggers have managed a very respectable regular season run of 10-3 on the backs of Le'Veon Bell, Dak, Ajayi, and Dez, and that dominance continued throughout the playoffs. Their regular season record gave them a #1 seeding for the playoffs, one that actually wouldn't have been needed since they would have outscored any other team that first playoff week.The second week gave the Bootleggers some trouble vs the #5 Fighting Firkins, but they managed to hold off with a 4 point margin to make it to the final game. The Finals, vs. the #6 Jeanracks was a different matter, as multiple 25+ point performances put an end to the Jeanracks Cinderella story and sealed the White League Championship for Bootleggers.
Will came into the season tied for the worst Manager Ranking out of all D League members, with an all time record of 10-22. Seeded number 4 in the Gold League Playoff Bracket, Will beat ou the #5 and #1 seeds to make it to the final game of the season, where he defeated D. Moran by a narrow 10 points. Surprising performances out of Charles Clay (24.5 pts) and Doug Baldwin (30.2) pushed him into the victors' chair. He will be moving into the President's League for 2017, so let's see if it's the competition level of Gold or his own God Given Talents that gave him this victory.
By K Swinton
I never thought I’d be here.
It seemed like it was my year. The conversation went like this – “Gold league is for the worst of the worst. Being in gold league just increases your chances of winning and taking home some easy cash. Hell, four of the teams autodrafted and no one’s seen Surge for almost a decade. Consider this year a gimme.”
I was riding high. Sure, last year didn’t end well but a lot of people trade for Kennan Allen only to be delivered a season ending injury. That kind of luck can’t possibly happen two years in a row. “This year I’ll study,” I said, “I’ll be ready. I’ll be on top of that waiver wire. I’ll watch every game, I’ll even subscribes to Knews’s podcasts and I might even post a tweet or two”. I even thought I could get a Jersey and be in the running for the hammer next year.
And for a week I was unstoppable. Then, in a flash, the regular season was over. 6th place regular season? Who am I? What have I become? *Checks league standings* - Alright, Tzach’s Corsairs are 3-10, JBrad has possibly never adjusted his lineup since his starters, and Kenny’s probably at the gym. Didn’t make the playoffs, but of all loser’s brackets to be in, this is the most hands off experience anyone can ask for.
Then it happened. A round one playoff game where I lost to Surge with the most depressing score I could imagine 55.2 to 54.3. Julio Jones? 0. Drew Brees? 4.5. To be completely honest, I didn’t know that was the score until I checked it as I’m writing this. Shit that’s bad. Round two came and went and suddenly I had lost to Tzach, last place in the regular season. Suddenly it’s Christmas Eve. Is football on the mind? No, I’m at the movies watching Disney’s Sing because that’s what you do on the Holidays when you’re with Family. And besides, there are some terrible teams in the league, why should I worry? 300 unread groupme messages later and there it was. Round three was over and I am at Rock Bottom. 2016, last place.
By J. Knust
I know a lot of people run these scenarios for their own teams, but I was curious, so I compiled them for the whole of President’s League. President’s League is an incredibly competitive and flat league where only four teams are mathematical locks for the playoffs and another five teams still have a shot at the last two slots. Good luck to everyone who’s still in it.
The top four seeds will be some combination of Knust, Bogey, Bamrick, and Crispin. What complicates the matter is that Knust, Bogey, and Bamrick are so close together in both record and “Total Points For” on the season, with all three teams falling in a range of 12.6 point (or just over one point per week on average). Any one of these three could realistically come out of this week with a playoff by and the highest amount of points in the regular season, thus winning the $100 bonus. Crispin is further back in points and is unlikely to jump any of the other three locks, which helps simplify the scenarios, but he still factors into calculations and has an outside shot to win a first-round bye. The table below shows all of the scenarios.
The Bubble Teams:
Sully has a vast points lead over the other teams in this category. Even if he loses to Tex this week, the other teams on this list would have to score a nigh impossible amount of points to jump him. Win and he’s in; lose and he’s still likely in.
B-Nels is in a tough spot. He has a win-and-in, but it gets hairy if he loses. If he loses and moves to 6-7, it will come down to points between him and the other teams at that record. He doesn’t want this to happen, because he’s the lower point scorer between him, Tex, Lincoln, and Bianchi.
For all three of Tex, Lincoln, and Bianchi, each has to win their Week 13 game and beat out other people on points. These three teams are all facing win-and-score-well dogfights this week.
The table below shows all the scenarios for the bubble teams. Just look at how crazy things could get in the fight for the final playoff spot if any of Scenarios 3, 4, 7, and 8 were to happen. Like I said before, you better win and score well this week.
Outside Looking In:
Billy is on this list because even if he were to win and move to 6-7, there would realistically be two other teams with a 6-7 record or better with more tie-breaking points scored. Dave-O and Jeff are eliminated.
2018 Assist Raffle Tracker
T. Shannon - 24
J. Edwards - 1