By Austin Bamrick, The Mirthmobile
(Title Credit to one Jameson P Bamrick, for without whom this league would not exist)
Good afternoon. On this glorious October day I would like to tell you a story. It is a story still being written I suppose, although its lessons can be utilized in your daily life even now. It serves as a reminder that we should always stay humble and be thankful for where you are in life, however you got there. For who knows…what happened and continues to happen to this gentleman could happen to you.
Day 1: The Draft.
Like many of us, Tex drafted 2 defenses. It is a joke almost as old as that time Renner drafted 2 kickers. And speaking of 2 kickers, I hope you keep reading.
Week 2: Dominance Established.
When Tex drafted his team of 30+ year olds including the backup to Le'Veon Bell my first thought was "Hey congrats on your 2011 championship dude these guys were amazing back then’. I’ll be honest however…by week 2 most of us in Presidents were sweating. And then the groupme chats.
Week 3: Cracks Revealed.
After this tex finally dropped the rams defense. I feel like now is an appropriate time to point out that Matt Forte getting 33 points the previous week is a hell of a lot less likely than Mike Evans (one of the best WRs in the game) getting a shitload of garbage time points. He’s a WR1, in garbage time, against backup defenders.
Week 4: In Which We Discover That The Only Roster Move One Needs Is Adding Another Kicker.
Tex drops Treadwell which is a good move since he won’t play this year probably, but instead of also dropping Hauschka and grabbing Dan Bailey and another player, he just…adds Dan Bailey. This was in week 4 and I'm writing this after week 6 and he STILL HAS BOTH OF THEM.
Week 6: In Which We Never Score Above 90 Points Again
A 4 game losing streak, while having the LEAST AMOUNT OF POINTS SCORED AGAINST YOU. I truly did not know this was possible. You look at someone like jeff who is 1-5 and see he has the most against him by almost 100 points and it makes sense. It’s sad but goddamn man at least it MAKES SENSE. Its something your mind can comprehend. But this? No. It’s too terrible. Its…ah….im feeling faint. My god why…how could this be? Why are my eyes bleeding? Why is the room swimming and my legs suddenly feel like jello? Why are there two kickers? Why is there a guy on IR still on this team? Can anyone hear me? Is ANYONE OUT THERE I REALLY NEED SOME HEL--
Thank you for coming on this journey with us in the president’s league. Remember. We do not forgive. We do not forget.
2018 Assist Raffle Tracker
T. Shannon - 24
J. Edwards - 1