Let’s be honest, it’s Gold League so no one really cares what the playoff scenarios are except those in the playoffs in Gold League.
What everyone really cares about is the race for Piss Boy.
Currently, it would appear Skelt the Delt has this one in the bag. This is contrary to what many of you probably thought at the beginning of the season. Surely this old Delt who most of us have only read about in history books and the pages of the original charter would have a leg up on us. Surely this wise Delt who has “9” for a Pin Number (Bethany College’s original 8’s first pledge), could outsmart a bunch of ignorant fools who spend their Friday nights playing D&D and Magic the Freaking Gathering (when Skelt was a pledge Magic was only performed by Merlin and was not yet a nerdy card game). But sadly, no. He did not. With a record of 2-10 going into week 13 facing Andrej’s Enforcers with a projected deficit of over 20 points, he has locked in last place going into the playoffs.
While last place in the regular season doesn’t mean Piss Boy, averaging just under 79 points per week usually solidifies the odds of becoming the belle of the ball as Mr. Fantasy Football at next year’s draft.
I say all of this with a small bit of reluctance as, unfortunately, I account for one of the two wins that Skelt has. It came last week and that loss took me out of playoff contention. Therefore, I too could potentially take home the crown and sash we have all come to fear and become the first repeat Piss Boy.
There is also a scenario where the D League has a first time back to back Piss Boy. Kristiaan’s Red Hawks most likely will not make the playoffs (for those of you that get off on scenarios: he would have to win, Kenny would have to lose, and Kristiaan would have to outscore Kenny by 160 points). So Kristiaan will be battling for not last place with Skelt, Foster, Mesick, Little Renner, and myself.
Stay tuned, we could have our first repeat Piss Boy, our first two time Piss Boy, or it could be Skelt which would be entertaining at next year’s draft.
There are no scenarios
Instead of being confusing as hell and ultimately ridiculously boring to read as both Knust and Jeff did in their posts below (don’t bother), the Royal Purple decided to finish everything up a week early.
As you can see below, all 6 playoff spots are clinched with no change to change during Week 13. The only thing that can happen is a change in seeding. And even that doesn’t really matter seeing how Davo and Hanks have both locked up first round byes and who cares who they play in the 2nd round as they will both likely win and play each other in the ship.
Teams seeded #3 - #6 share the same record, AND fucking conveniently play each other in week 13. I will take on Juice and Tyler and Lincoln will also have an exhibition so we can draw straws for having to face either Tortugas or Squadron at our own funerals.
I do not care to discuss how seeding will impact the bottom 6 teams because it’s written in the relegation structure and not worth repeating (winking at you Edwards).
Also I would like to congratulate James Von Gillern on starting the season 4-0 and losing 8 straight. Cheers to loss #9 Jimmy.
by J. Edwards
There is a lot on the line as White League heads into the final week of the fantasy football regular season. Here are White League's Week 13 matchups, with spreads at the time of writing, potential playoff implications, and the post-season fallouts at stake.
Current playoff projections:
Humuhumu (-9) vs Arnie's Pizza (+9)
There can still be a ton of movement in the standings even in this, the final week of the regular season. Because of this, I will only detail the best-case and worst-case scenarios for each of the seven teams that are still in playoff contention. I will look at what would have to go right or wrong for a team to make or miss the playoffs, and for some teams, secure or squander the chance at a first-round bye in the playoffs.
Seven teams are still in contention, with Heldt, Sully, Austin, Postler, Knust, Denton, and Bogey still playing for the money and the D-League title. Crispin, B-Nels, Benda, Langtimm, and Pratt are eliminated and playing only for relegation. Below is a table showing the point differentials between all players that are still in playoff contention. Find your name on the left, and then move to the right to see how many points you are behind or ahead
of a given opponent. Most of the scenarios will reference point scoring, and this chart will help cut down gratuitous explanations in the scenario write-ups. If the write-up mentions the points scoring between Heldt and Sully, for example, you can refer to the chart to see that Sully would have to
outscore Heldt by 48.0-points in Week 13 in order to overtake him.
The Executive Committee (Heldt, 9-3):
Heldt is locked for the playoffs and will enjoy a first-round bye outside of the following corner-case.
With a nice point total buffer, he should feel relatively safe to maintain his hold on a first-round playoff bye. Also, he will likely come out of Week 13 with $100 in his pocket from being the top points-scorer in the regular season. Great season for anyone, and congratulations to Heldt.
Phuket Rippers (Sully, 9-3):
A poor Week 12 showing may have nuked Sully’s chances at the scoring title, but a Rippers win or a Bamrick loss will secure a first-round playoff bye for the reigning-champ. The Rippers could fall to the #3-seed with a loss and a Bamrick win, with Bamrick maintaining his current points lead.
The Mirthmobile (Bamrick, 8-4):
Bamrick could work his way into a first-round bye if the Heldt and Sully worst-cases from above end up coming to fruition, but he will most likely end up right in the middle of the pack at either the #3-seed or the #4-seed with either a win or a loss.
Bamrick is not actually mathematically qualified for the playoffs, but the laundry list of events leading to him missing the playoffs would have to include Bogey out-scoring him by 147.3 points in the final week, as the most unlikely example. If I had to assign a number to it, I would say that he is a one-in-a-trillion chance to miss the playoffs.
The Sea Cows (Postler, 8-4):
A win qualifies Postler for the playoffs, but he is in a little bit different situation than Bamrick because of his lower point total. He does not have a realistic shot of working his way up to a first-round playoff bye, and the three players behind him at 7-5 are close enough in points scoring that a bad week for Postler and a good week for all of them could spell disaster. Postler would miss the playoffs in the following case:
This scenario is unlikely, but it would mean that Postler would miss the playoffs at 8-5.
Never Say Wombat (Knust, 7-5), Backalley Bootleggers (Denton, 7-5), and Fighting Emus (Bogey, 7-5):
I am grouping these three teams together since their fates are so tightly intertwined. The possible results of these three games fall into eight unique permutations, shown in the table below.
Knust has a 29.3-point lead on Denton and a 46.8-point lead on Bogey, which is a significant advantage as most of these eight scenarios come down to the tie-breaker. Denton’s 17.5-point lead on Bogey will play a large factor as well. As with Postler, any of these three teams have the chance to miss the playoffs at 8-5, but that would require all three to win in Week 13.
Our final weekly pot winner is actually a repeat. G Tieds' Benton County Beast Mode put up 33 points between the two positions, winning another weekly pot.
In My Experience, There is No Such Thing As Luck Weekly Game 9 - Team With Highest Margin of Victory
In an amazing win, Jeanracks defeats Tito Leewood's Killers 86.3 to 86 and locking down the Week 7 prize.
And also scoring enough points to beat 90% of this weeks teams, the Backalley Bootleggers score 117.6 but run into a gigantic 150.3 point wall put up by The Executive Committee.
By J. Ward
So I am sitting here at the Casey Automotive letting some high school dropout change my oil, when I started contemplating how weird of a year it has been in football and in life. I thought it was time for a mid season review. First and foremost I think it needs to be mentioned that I think Jameson is actively attempting to become Piss boy. Although I think he is thwarting his chances by setting up rules for people not paying and without franchises automatically being put in the piss league.
Then to top everything, nobody saw this coming, Tex, the leather working hog rider is sitting fat and pretty in 1st place with a shit used up quarterback and one of the worst defenses in the league. The only good player on the team is Gordon who right now is questionable probably because he is tired of playing for such crappy management.
There is some new management this year attempting to drain the swamp if you will. Dirka Dirka-Stan is trying to come up from behind, like his whole pledge class used to do, and just barely sneak into the playoffs. Too bad his QBs are terrible, what he doesn’t want us to realize is that he has that deep bench. This may be a team to look out for in the second half of the season.
Tides, who I didn’t even know graduated, has a team of beast mode, but it seems someone placed the beast in the zoo and threw away the key. Half his team is injured and he does’t drop his IR players. Is someone even managing this team? Not really exp much for the rest of the season. I don’t expect a playoff debut for here.
Edwards, Who still puts out more shitty trade deals that Trump, is riding a pretty good team and on of the 5 teams tied for 2nd place. His ban has is a little weak with some injuries. Hopefully for him his starters stay healthy.
TA who was smart enough to draft and put together one of the best PPR teams in the league, has been able to clinch the coveted tied for 7th place position. Unless he makes some big changes or the league goes crazy and changes to PPR, I don’t expect Javelinas to go anywhere anytime soon. He may just make it into the last spot on the playoff bracket but then be utterly destroyed by 1st place.
D-Witt, seems to be hanging on by the mercy of God, the only thing keeping him afloat is the Hail Mary pass to his flex player Cooper who tore it up Thursday. If Daniel keeps being this lucky there may be no stopping him.
Stewart, nobody likes Stewart.
There are other teams who are worth mentioning but I am out of time. And watch out for those boat rockers, The management doesn’t even have a boat anymore, while they are trying to take out the king pin Flying Fortresses.
2018 Assist Raffle Tracker
T. Shannon - 24
J. Edwards - 1