By C. Bogenreif
Well hello my little crackers! Oh, and hi Juice. With only 3 weeks left of the Fantasy Football regular season this year has flown by. Some have had the highest of highs this season, usually when Tex, Dusty, or Zachar is on the schedule. While others have had the lowest of lows, losing to any of those three. At this point in the season it is good to look back and reflect on what might have been. The times that you could have drafted Spencer Ware in the 14th round but didn’t or the time you drafted Todd Gurley with your first pick only to have him score less points than the likes of Jay Ajayi, Jordan Howard, and Christine Michael by week 10. Which brings me to my topic: trades.
One of the best parts of fantasy is trading. That is why I have taken part in exactly zero trades this year. Not because I haven’t tried. It’s usually because I am dealing with Jeff and he offers the most lopsided trades. Take this trade for example, proposed to me on September 22nd at 10:39am:
CBOG Trades LeSean McCoy and Julio Jones
JEDW Trades Dez Bryant, Chris Ivory, and Isiah Crowell
Jeff this trade proposal is just awful. If women were objects that could be traded (well since Trump is our president-elect they might actually be. Wasn’t this a key component of his platform?). Anyway, if women could be traded like Pog Slammers at Cooper Elementary School in the early 90’s, this trade is the equivalent of Jeff offering me Mama June and Susan Boyle for Kate Upton and Mila Kunis. No one would do that.
In fairness we didn’t know Dez was going to get hurt the next week and be out for a third of the season. Crowell has had a few good weeks but other than that this trade is horrible. But that is half of the fun with trading; speculating who got the better deal and then making fun of the perceived loser via GroupMe (i.e. any trade Ward is a part of).
A few things to note on this analysis:
Lincoln and Edwards started the season off with a trade before a game was played by trading two guys with names that make them sound like 90 year old white guys with Alzheimer’s. Since no games were played before this trade we can only look at the post trade numbers. When I first saw this trade I thought Jeff got a steal but Marvin Jones has actually had a decent season so far. That being said, Melvin Gordon has gone off 3 straight weeks and with the workload he has been getting looks to only be getting better.
This is where things get interesting. After week two Bianchi went in full panic mode. “Bold Move Cotton. Let’s see if it will pay off”. At the time this trade was risky for Bianchi especially considering that two weeks after this trade he dropped Dorsett. He dropped Dorsett to pick up Eddie Royle, dropped Royle a week later for Cameron Meredith, got a few good weeks with Meredith until Smokin Jay Cutler came back, and then dropped Meredith for Bonin Blake Bortles. (Sidebar – I really want someone to breakdown each and every move someone makes throughout the season. Sounds like a job for Knews…)
After all this it still seemed like a decent trade for Bilbo. Todd Gurley was a stud last year and after the first two weeks Will Fuller looked to be legit. Can we take a moment to talk about Will Fuller? What is up with the V? Is he Will Fuller the fifth? Is that what that is? Why the hell is that necessary? Is Will Fuller the first playing? No, he’s probably been dead for 60 years. The same goes for Steve Smith SR. Is that necessary? I looked it up. Steve Smith Jr. was born in 2014! Are we concerned that a toddler is going to make the Ravens practice squad, work his way onto the 53-man roster, suit up at wide out opposite his father, and everyone in stands is going to be confused because there are two Steve Smiths on the field at the same time! No because Steve Smith Jr is an f-ing baby!!!!
Back to the trade. Zeke turned out to be an absolute beast, Gurley average, and the rest is history. Bianchi not only got a few good weeks out of Will Fuller but also what looks like the best running back in the league. Over the course of the season this trade has netted Bianchi 16.5 more points per week. Advantage – Hairy Lumberjacks.
Yawn. Do we need to analyze this one. Pretty boring trade. Moncrief was hurt when Sully traded for him and has scored touchdowns in back-to-back weeks before a bye in Week 10. Floyd has been inconsistent and is currently sitting on the bench of Joe’s team which I can only image is filled with never ending rows of shots, has a strict no shirt policy, and is constantly bumping Girl Talk from 2009. Surprisingly, over the course of the season this trade has given Crispin 1.3 more points per week but with Moncrief back I think it could swing Sully’s way in the last few weeks of the season.
Poor Austin or should I say “the real Bamrick”. He trades away this season’s top tight end and receives Christine Michael who unexpectantly gets dropped by the Seahawks. Even after getting picked up by the Packers it doesn’t look good for Christine Michael. Plus he has two first names, one of which is a girl’s name, Christine. The only other person I can think of off the top of my head that has two first names, one of which is a girl’s name, is Dan Whitney and he is the absolute worst.
The Real Bamrick however can take solace in the fact that over the course of the whole season this trade is pretty balanced. He got good production from Olson and Rivers prior to the trade. I still think Bianchi go the better end of the deal though.
Bianchi loves him some trades. To date the numbers actually show that Bianchi got the better deal here. This is somewhat skewed however since he got some good production from Demaryius prior to the trade. As the season rolls on I expect the numbers to flip to a positive to Tex since Charles is Mr. Glass and on IR again this season. Pretty much a toss-up.
This is the most baffling trade to me. Granted The Real Bamrick only has had the Ravens for a week but who trades for a defense and then has said defense score 16 points. Oh, that’s right, the Ravens played the Browns last week. Austin must have really wanted to get rid of Duke Johnson Jr. and who can blame him. He plays for the Browns and has a f-ing JR on the back of his jersey! The Browns are the Susan Boyle of the NFL. Like Susan Boyle getting first place on Britain’s Got Talent and selling millions of records, the Browns will get first pick in the NFL draft and draft another quarterback. On second thought this analogy makes zero sense but since I’m not proofreading I refuse to delete it.
These last two trades happened last week so we are still in a wait and see mode. It is funny that Sully trades for Alshon and then a few days later he gets suspended for getting illegal butt injections or whatever he did. Sucks to suck Sully. However, he turned around and traded Alshon to Knews who is clearly counting on a playoff run with Smokin’ Jay Cutler throwing TD passes to Alshon and not the opposing defense. Good luck with that. If I’ve learned anything over the past 30 years it’s that just like their fans, the Bears suck.
2018 Assist Raffle Tracker
T. Shannon - 24
J. Edwards - 1